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Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
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| Time: | 6:55 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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ASM today. I haven't been up this early in probably a year. I think it's just me and Rachel today. She's only hear for this week, so I'm going to be all alone next week because Taylor changed his schedule or whatever so now everything is screwed up, and this is going to be the worst summer of my life.
Anyways- Justin's party wasn't very fun. That kid is starting to get on my nerves. All of them are. Finally...I know.
Whatever. I'm tired. I though this might keep me awake, but guess not, so...
Adios- hasta luego.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 5:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  weird. |
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it's been a while.
well, anywho...
-I've been clean for 5 months.
-My dad's been clean for 2 months.
-My mom's been clean for 11 months.
-Rb's been clean for 5 months.
-Taylor's been clean for 8 months.
-Justin's been clean for 1 month.
-Lindsay's been clean for 2 months.
-Rachel's been clean for 12 months.
-Daniel died of an ecstacy overdose, 3:01 a.m. this morning.
give thanks.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:03 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. |
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Hm
 | You scored as Jimmy. You are somewhat of an endearing clown. You are likeable but not well respected because you sacrifice internal skill development (personal competence) in being too externally preoccupied and people pleasing. You will go farther by pursuing and developing internal interests than being preoccupied with keeping people happy.
Sandy | | 100% | Jimmy | | 100% | Hailey | | 67% | Oliver | | 61% | Seth | | 61% | Ryan | | 56% | Anna | | 56% | Kirsten | | 50% | Luke | | 44% | Marissa | | 33% | Summer | | 33% | Julie | | 28% | Caleb | | 0% | </td>
What OC character are you?
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 11th, 2005
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I'm so confused. I just need a good shove in the right direction. But, knowing ME, there probably isn't a right direction. However...
No however, it's useless.
You don't even know! Seriously, how many times have you wanted to say that.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
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Okay, the locker notes, have gottttt to stop. Seriously, I'll fight a girl.
Aghhh? McCallum? Leander? This is stressful. UBER stressful.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  thirsty. |
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I'm screwed!!!! Sometimes, I want to die.
I keep finding myself in these incredibly sureal situations. I just don't know anymore.
The thing is, there's really only one person who knows these things, these things that she so desperatly wants to know, that she cries, and fusses to know. Things I don't think I even know. And it's gotten to this crazy insane level of intamacy, that isn't actually there, and it's really starting to get to me. I just want to grow up. I don't like being this age, and feeling these things, and going through this stuff, and making these decisions. I want a fucking auto pilot!!!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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 | You scored as Sirius Black. You are a gifted wizard and very loyal to your allegiance. Whilst you have a big heart and care very much about those around you, you can be a little arrogant and reckless at times.
Harry Potter | | 75% | Sirius Black | | 75% | Remus Lupin | | 75% | Ron Weasley | | 65% | Hermione Granger | | 60% | Lord Voldemort | | 55% | Albus Dumbledore | | 50% | Severus Snape | | 50% | Ginny Weasley | | 30% | Draco Malfoy | | 25% | </td>
Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 5:51 pm. |
| Mood: | good. |
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Sooooo, this whole High School thing is getting RIDICULOUS. I've pretty much been accepted to McCallum. But I really just don't think I'd fit in there the way I want to. I'm afraid it would make into somebody I REALLY don't want to be. Besides if I go to McAllum I'd be almost alone except for Taylor and MAYBE Rachel. Both of whom, are my best friends, and I have no problem spending all of my time with, because I basically do anyways- but...it's like...I dunno. It just seems a little awkward. Besides, McAllum is like 40 minutes away practically, and I don't really want to go to school in Austin anyways.
I guess I'll just go to Leander- be popular, hot, and stupid, all over again.
I got voted most popular boy, by the way- for the year book thing! Me and Becca got cutest cupple. She was pretty irritated. TAYLOR got fucking cutest boy- third year in the running. It's sort of discusting.
Silvia got prettiest girl... I don't know why, but it seemed worth mentioning. Since I went out with her, and all. I went out with a hot girl. Two hot girls-- (so becca won't kill me)
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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Grounded! I got grounded?! A friday night, and I'm not doing ANYTHING, but being GROUNDED! This is soooooo fucked up...I guess deeeeeeeeep down it's what I always wanted. But still, kinda sucks. My dad called, and yelled at me over the phone. Can you beleive that? Telling me not to do shit, while he's in Rehab.
This is toooooo much.
I can still do stuff though- as long as it's at MY house, I can't go anywear. Rachel, Lindsay, and Quen are coming over to paint my room. It's a long story, but that'll entertain me for the night at least.
Anyway, Becca gets out on Sunday, her mom's throwing a suprise party at Becca's house Sunday from 3-6, she asked me to spread the word, so...there ya go.
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Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:39 pm. |
| Mood: | weird. |
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Hm. I feel sort of obligated to write SOMETHING. Oddly enough, there's really not a whole lot to write. Everyone's waiting for me to do- I'm not sure- but I really don't like this. When Mrs. Tillman told us, everyone looked at me, like I was supposed to scream, and kill myself right then and there. I care about Becca, probably more than most- and maybe I'm just in sort of a shock from it all, but emotionally I'm pretty numb. Am I supposed to feel guilty? Like bad carma? I'm sad- yeah, it sucks, but it's like I'm supposed to be in this traumatic daze, and I'm not. I DO care, don't think I'm saying it's not a big deal but...
I don't even know.
I was at the hospital for like 5 hours. Something like that. I don't like hospitals. Lots of baby's and old people.
Lindsay was already there, she had practically drowned herself by then. She was still in surgery so we had to wait for like 2 hours, then Taylor, Twisten, and Quen got there. We got to see her, but she was still unconsious. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I sort of expected the worst, like a full body cast, with her face all bloody, but she wasn't that banged up, except for the rib bandage. She broke all of them. That's like 8 right? 9 maybe. Dunno.
We just kind of dwindled around, until she woke up. First thing she asked was if her friends were here. Actually, she asked for Rachel, who wasn't there, so Quen went in first, because she wouldn't get to emotional, but even she came out crying, which is weird because it's Quen, so we all got freaked out. Then she asked for everyone else, except for myself, and everyone came out crying, and all shaky, and I was really freaked out- so then I went in.
She said hi. Grabbed my hand, fell asleep.
I don't know.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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It's been a while...so it seems.
Weekend was good- great. Band practice was good. We're just better when Rachel and the girls are there. It's motivation.
You know what's weird?
Becca going out with Jason.
Lindsay seeing a therapist.
Rachel and Twisten being friends.
My dad in rehab.
My dog's pregnant.
Taylor wanting a new guitar.
2005 is strange.
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Monday, January 3rd, 2005
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You lie.
2005. not so sure. whatever- i'll manage.
Dad's still in rehab. 9 days. They estimate 40 days. We went to see him saturday. He says he likes it there. They have a hot tub.
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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
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| Time: | 1:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  annoyed. |
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Dad's in Rehab. 4 days. A record.
I'm groggy. Christmas is boring. My grandma sent me 5 bucks in the mail.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 18th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:09 am. |
| Mood: | annoyed. |
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Aghhh, Christmas. Staying in town. Might spend a week or so at my grandma's. I just want to get out of this house right now. Dad says he wants to go into rehab as a christmas present to me. ... My life...is weird. I doubt he'll go through with it, but who knows. Mom thinks it's a bad idea...something about child services taking me away. Whatever.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
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| Time: | 5:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  hopeful. |
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Ahhh, soooo, Silvia expects me to ask her out. I'm still not sure. Connor's like go for it, she's hot, and then Taylor's like, you don't know her, and you don't like her and she doesn't like you, Becca's like your a man whore, i can't beleive your being such an ass, Twisten's like if you don't go out w/ her I will, Rachel's like she's way too tall for you, Lindsay's like you should go out w/ becca u still like her.
WTF do I do? I'm so confused. I don't like her, I don't even know her, but damn...yeah...she's really hot. Like really. Really. But I don't really WANT to be a man whore, like Becca said, but I don't want to become a Taylor either, but if I don't pursue this thing every one's gunna think I "chose" becca or something...but...whatever, she's hot, maybe I will, maybe I'll come to my sences, but in the mean time she's really hot. A little tall though. Bad timing for giving up illegal stuff. Ahh.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 13th, 2004
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| Time: | 6:42 pm. |
| Mood: | weird. |
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Omigod. Got a workshop letter for Juliard. Totally not my thing but still pretty cool.
Today was great! Becca totally ignored me, and Sheila, or whatever that new girls name is (the hot one) touched my butt. Twas no accident. She's way taller than me though. Not sure if I like that.
I broke my fucking keybord. The new one, my dumb ass dad dropped in when taking it out of the car. I think I can fix it though. :X
So Lindsay and April put a secret admirer note on my locker. Uhhh can you say sixth grade? Seriously guys...
Dad gave me a bottle of Captain Jack for a Hanuka gift. Wtf?? 1. Since when are we jewish? 2. Uhhh, your my dad? It was awsome for a while. I'm just over it that's all. I'm gunnah give it away, I've decided. I'm tired of all this.
Whatever, I'm done.
Maybe I should consider this Sheila thing. She's just so damn tall.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 10th, 2004
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| Time: | 8:40 pm. |
| Mood: |  relaxed. |
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Today was long. Friday's are stupid that way.
Okay, so letsee, why am I home on a friday night?? I'm resting. Hah. I'm not stoned, I'm not drunk, I'm not participating in anysort of illegal activity. I walked home w/ Taylor. We met Twisten half way at the Texaco. I bought some chocolate milk. The nesquick kind. Damn. Anyways, so then we went down to Kingsbridge, and I saw Jennifer. Damn. :) Anyways, we hung out with every one their for a little bit, then Taylors mom picked us up, and we went to this counsling center where his mom work. Some freaky people up in tharr. Werr.
Then MY brother picked us up, took us back to my house. We baked a cake. A normal one. It was sorta fun actually. Becca called...wanted to have some important talk or whatnot, but I heard Lindsay in the back ground, so it's probably just one of those sorta things, so I kinda blew her off, which I think made her mad. Then Taylor and Twisten went to Taylors house, but I stayed here. Did some home work. Listened to some music. Kyle called, haven't talked to him in a long time. Tomarow I'm going to Kyle to shop for a new Keybord, Taylor'll come, Connor might come, I doubt Rachel will. But anyways, it'll be nice, since I'm not paying for it. Typed alot...again. Gosh.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 9th, 2004
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| Time: | 8:53 pm. |
| Mood: | accomplished. |
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Continuing. So...I've done Becca. What else? Ummmm...Taylor...and his recent bi-polar phenomenon.
Uhhh, can you say PMS? He knows he's being like this, but I don't know why, I don't know if he knows. Maybe it's Rachel. Doubt it though, he's just got this weird other sacred "Taylor" universe. I don't even know, whatever. It's just weird. He's weird.
Um? Parents.
So I hate them. Yes. It's not just like...I'm a teen, their old, their mean, therfor I hate. But, they've screwed up. With me. They've raised...well me. No disapline, respect. I feel like as a druggie/convict's son, I should be the break in the chain. Uber smart, a respectable kid, on my way to harvard for my pHd. But nooooo. I'm just like them. Worthless...and stoned.
I was talking about this w/ Rachel. I sort of xpected to be shot down with sarcasim, but she was actually pretty helpful...not nesicarly empathetic. But she really tells it like it is...which, well...it was a odd look on things. And interesting spin. But It helped. I don't think I can actually describe it...but it was like. I dunno, different, and I almost just...feel different about myself. I guess. Whatever, now I'm too funked to write. Cya.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 8:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. |
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So I deleted everything. It seems to be a fad. Don't wanna get out of the loop or anything.
So uh...Rebecca. Yeah, yeah. You know. It's sad that LIVEJOURNAL, is the only way I can communicate to you, because you won't TALK TO ME. So now every one knows our buisness. Huff! Hope you're happy.
Went hossy back ridin'. It's been liiiiike forevvvvver! It was Taylor's lesson, so I went with- I rode Stormy...he's all old n' stuff...weird. Twisten was tharr. Haven't seen him in a while. He's all strait now, since he almost got sent to Juvy, which was really sort of me and Michael's fault, and I thought he'd hate me (which he should) but he doesn't...which is really cool.
I'm getting all B's. All B's. No A's, no C's. Just B's. Sorta weird. Maybe not, but I think so.
So I realized I never update this thing. I don't even know why I have one. All I do is read other peoples, so i won't, you know, fall out of the loop. (God FORBID!) But I think i should update more often. You know? Self expression...it'll be good for me.
I think I'll start off my 'self expression' with some recent 'frustrations of mine.'
The biggest being, *cough* *cough* Becca...
Ooo, she's gunna beat me for this but...she does it to me on her LJ, umm, letsee everyday? Yeah...SOOOO...BECCA IS ANNOYING! Hah! I think I'll just let loose fer a lil. So, Becca's annoying...and yeah. Gawd, she's an awsome friend, ya'll know how she is, but it's hard to be friendly with her right now, she's like on some upside down emotional roller coaster. "I'm not really "into" you right now, but I think...you know? We could try another shot? There's something there." Uhhh...whuuuu? Ok so? Something there? As far as I'm concerened...well nevermind, but if you're not "into" me, and I'm not "into" you, then what's there? She's hot. I'm Physically attracted to her, but, if that's what she means by something, then well, I've got a lil' something, with pretty much every half-decent looking woman on the planet. Being a girlfriend right now wouldn't be so bad, i guess. It might be kind of cool, but I'm more interested in like a friends with benifits, and with Rebecca??? Right, I don't want to do that with Becca, I don't think she really wants anything emotionally attached either (on her part.) She just wan't a confedence booster, and I don't want to be in a one way relation ship. And I'm just horny, and Becca doesn't want to be used like that...I don't think. If so then we could re-think this...
Woah, I just wrote a whole lot. I think I'll write some more. I don't do this enough...write. It's sorta nice...One more entry though. This one's a lil. Much.
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